Sunday, April 28, 2013

Reality - The Dark Underbelly

Source: Facebook (Sankalpa Acharya)

The above article makes for such an amazing read; but I have a different take on this. In reality, life has a very dark underbelly.

I took a step back to look and saw. I am treated worse than an animal. I am ugly and I can be nothing but a slave to my owner. I have been a bonded labour in an asbestos factory since i was 8. I can be nothing but this. 

Maybe I don't hate everyone but just hate myself because I couldn't love enough for that person to hold on to me. I gave in everything I had. My best friend betrayed me because i went bankrupt. My father slapped me every night, just because he was drunk - and I let him slap me, because if it wasn't me taking the beating, it would have been my mother or my sister. The kid down the street didn't just call me ugly - everyone at school did. Maybe, I do hate everyone.

I keep weeping to realise that I can't let go and weeping is all I can do. The memories are beautiful but they bring pain, pain at knowing what I have lost. Today I am dying after weeping all my life, but then the pain is what kept me alive, kept me feeling. This pain has kept me living till now for something and for myself. 

I discovered what love is, but the one I loved is still in the cycle of falling in and out of love and that person has fallen out of love with me. Now that my soul has been touched, I can't love no more. People take me to be crazy and when I tell people what I feel, I see that they don't care.

I don't have a roof over me and I have no choice but to sleep under the stars and all that it brings - rain, storms and sometimes cars on the pavement; taking us straight to the stars. I am creative and imaginative - finding new places to sleep - in the cold finding pieces of cardboard to wrap around us - still some of us succumb to pneumonia. I share whatever food i find in the dustbins.

I am afraid of meeting new people - I was kidnapped and raped for days together when i was 12. My family has abandoned me. I am just plain lucky to be alive. To make someone's day - I need to get through my day without breaking down - without being afraid. My dreams are broken into pieces and each piece with its jagged sharp edge has cut me up so many times.

Live my life to the fullest potential. Are you kidding me. I barely survive. I am whipped in the morning to start work and given just enough food so that I can keep working. I am just 8 years. I hear abuses from the whole family and have to work till late after everyone else has slept.

What do I let go off - horrible things are a part of my life. I was sold to the brothel owner when i was just 14. I am pimped around everyday. My daughter is destined to follow in my unfortunate footsteps. I have AIDS.

I am old (maybe young) and I am dying and I look back. I am not happy. Some of you were born to better lives. I did my best - but I have regrets; regrets that I am dying at 15 due to the dangerous fumes I have inhaled in the asbestos factory, that my father was an alcoholic, that my best friend betrayed me, that the memories keeping me alive were memories and not reality continued, that the space in my heart was never filled; that I truly loved without care and with complete abandon, that there was no roof over me, that my best friend was mowed down by the SUV, that I was raped and abandoned by my family; that my childhood was snatched away from me and that my daughter shall end up being me.

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